Thanks to the therapists who told me to outlive my feelings and taught me to not suppress them, I’m kind of crying right now. It was so much easier to just swallow all the crap down. Feelings suck, they are complicated and always harmful in the end. Right now I’m hurt because of my mom (or at least I think I am- it’s been pretty hard to define what’s going on inside of me lately). I love her, I always will, but she’s been acting really weird lately. She’s mean and uptight all the time. No matter what you say she doesn’t like, she either takes it as offending, aggressive or bitchy. There’s no way to discuss about a topic without getting to hear something like ‘stop being so touchy’. Whenever my sister and I don’t share the same opinion (which is often the case because that’s just what siblings do), she tells us to immediately stop because she can’t take any more of our clamor- even when there is no clamor at all. We’re all female in this house, so we’re all a little iffy and sensitive (that’s just how women are- guess why most men don’t wanna argue with us), but this is more than usual. I’m scared of saying something without being told to stop agitating or upsetting. Well, maybe we’re just all in kind of a fluster because of the baby being born soon (I’m week 34 now). When one is pregnant in a family, the whole family seems to be. I’ll be so glad once this whole hormone chaos is finally over. It’s exhausting like hell.
Upset, bitchy, tired, pregnant- whatever.