Time

I watched Titanic today and now my thoughts won’t stop spinning. I can’t understand people like my mom who watch something so horrible and then it’s over and she asks what I want for dinner. I can’t understand people who can just move on so easily. I don’t cry because of such tragedies because I know it’s already over and I can’t change anything about it anymore, but neither I can just get back to dumb, useless stuff wasting my time. Time that’s not given to everyone.
There’s a scene in the movie about the Titanic when one of the lifeboats passes a frostbitten baby which made me think about all those lives- not just back then on the Titanic- like this dead child’s who never even got the chance to live- the chance that every living, breathing, feeling being deserves and should be given. Who is mankind to dare judge and rule who’s to live and who’s to die? Who gave us the right to make this decision?

I think about all the starving kids and slaughtered animals that die every day though we could save them easily. We could, but we don’t. I’m sitting here, alive, while others are six feet under. Some artist I read about once said: No smart man could be happy in a world like this.
I’m giving my best not to waste my time here and consider the life I was given as the most precious thing in the world (which it definitely is), but still sometimes I can’t keep myself from hating myself and all the people around me for our ignorance, the reason why everything is falling apart here. The car you drive is widening the ozone hole, the electric tools you use daily are destroying the limited resources, the steak you eat is ripping an innocent being’s life away and the clothes you wear exploit and prey some good woman in a small town in Asia. I’m trying to be happy, but how can I while such things keep happening and I know it’s my fault as well?

A therapist once told me dumbest people are the happiest and it took me long to realize that sentence may be one of the smartest ones I was ever told.
I won’t change anything by writing this, but neither I will by ignoring and being ignorant.
I want to change something here. I wanna leave this life knowing there’s something good and important left of me. I don’t care about being remembered, but I do care about saving at least a small piece of this world- even though I don’t know how to do that yet. But I have time to figure it out- time others will never have.