Had one of those again today. Again because I’ve already been through this crap yesterday. The problem is that there was not really a reason for it. Everything is overwhelming me these days. And by everything, I mean everything. I get mad and moody all the time and then suddenly, I totally freak out because of something totally ridiculous. Today, I cried for ten minutes because I’d ruined my laptop. Well, actually it wasn’t because of that, that was just the trigger, the final straw. The real problem is that I feel like everything has slipped out of my hands. My whole life and world. I need the control and right now I’ve definitely lost it completely. And that’s what drives me crazy and I don’t know what to do about it. I do everything to calm myself down and keep calm as well, but it doesn’t seem to help. After a few hours, I flip again. This is so fucking exhausting. A mix of BPD, depression and pregnancy and all those things I can’t handle at once. But I don’t have a choice; I gotta keep going and keep trying and all this shit because I need to make it through. I need to do this. For my family and my child and at some point, also for myself. I just wish it wasn’t this hard.