ED: “It’s your own fault.”

I hate it when people say that.
The people say it all the time and whenever they do, I just wanna scream it’s bullshit and that they don’t have a clue. Does someone choose an eating disorder?
Of course, one day I thought like ‘hey, anorexia is cool, let’s do that!’.
There are many reasons, but no one buys the new Vogue and thinks ‘damn, she’s so thin! I wanna go farther and starve myself to death.’
In anorexia, you do choose diets and weight loss, but not becoming a skeleton and being so thin that you break down on a run. Nobody wants that. A mental disorder is never the victim’s fault. You can’t just stop and turn it off.
Someone with cancer also doesn’t say ‘hey, let’s take a break’ because it’s not possible. We know it’s slow suicide and don’t want it, but you become addicted to these feelings you have when the stomach is empty. Of course we can all be blamed somewhere- the self harmer buys the blades, the guy with lung cancer the cigarettes and the bulimic pounds of chocolate, but do they do it because they ‘want to’?
No. You just can’t stop because it takes control. You don’t wanna ruin yourself, but you no longer have the power. It’s this quiet voice in the head that makes you keep going and makes you believe it’s stronger than you- and it’s the one to kill you in the end.
You know it and feel it every day, but you don’t have to power to stand up against it.
Why? Why do you believe this voice it’s stronger than you are?

90's, babydoll, and Courtney Love image

5 thoughts on “ED: “It’s your own fault.”

  1. It’s not that “you believe it’s stronger than you”, well it’s not for me … it’s that I can’t face the other option – giving up this supposed “healthy” life I’ve developed and had as a routine for so long, more of my mind tells me it’s good, than tells me it’s bad. It’s a battle every day to keep my thoughts focussed in the right direction.


    • I know what you’re talking about. It takes so much longer than you think to overcome it. I suffered for five years until I was at least able to eat normally and have a normal weight, but still I haven’t recovered from the ED. It’s a war in the mind against the ED’s voice and its fucking hard. Every day. Sometimes I even feel like a schizophrenic.
      Will it ever be over? Who knows? All you can do is try.
      And sometimes… You have to lose the battle to win the war.
      But it’s worth it. Don’t waste your life trying to find a nonexistent perfection.


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