I just had one of my weird- what surprise! breakdowns. They happen sometimes and suddenly and I don’t know what to do. I just lose the floor under my feet and fall on my knees and cry and cry and cry and there’s this pain inside of me and it’s so bad that I can’t breathe. And I just want it to go away, but it won’t. I don’t know where these breakdowns come from and what they wanna tell me, but neither the therapists nor I can handle them. They make me feel like dying. Like I’m drowning and gasping for air, but there’s no air. There’s just the water filling my lungs and I can’t even scream. I’ve been having these weirdos for 4 years now and they’re starting to drive me crazy. Literally. I can’t handle them. I just can’t. They’re killing me.