I’m on my way to my gynecologist- again. Another check. They check me all the time because of the baby. Honestly… I’m scared. I’m in the sixth week. Most babies die around that time. My mom already lost a kid in the sixth one. You know, that’s strange: I never wanted this child, but now since I chose to keep it, I’m scared of losing it. I’m starting to look forward to having this kid and raising it. The idea of losing it during or even after the pregnancy scares the hell out of me. I WANT my child.
I WANT to raise it, love it, give anything for it. Becoming it seems to be a chance for me to change my whole life, start new, change something about myself.
A chance for a life with my boyfriend and our child.
Oh my gosh, in less than an hour I’ll be there… I’m so damn scared.
Please, let the baby be well and healthy. I don’t know who I’m praying to right now because I don’t believe in any religions, but whatever.
I’ll just pray to Marilyn Manson.
– 2 hours later – The baby is healthy!! Omg I’m so glad! And even better: we found an apartment that’s perfect for us and in our area! I’m so happy right now, I can’t take it.
I hope we’ll make this our place for our little family.
Oh, and by the way: I went to a Black Veil Brides concert in my city last Saturday cuz my dog said it wouldn’t be a problem if I wouldn’t stand right in front of the boxes and of course, wouldn’t drink or smoke. Well, about the concert: I gotta say, the audience was the most awful one I’ve ever seen in my entire life. (Only teen pop concerts are worse, but I’m glad I’ve never been to one and will never be.) The average visitor on this concert was female, 13 or 14 years old, on a concert for the first time in her life and even though many of them brought their mommys too, they didn’t know ANYTHING about manners or how to be polite. I’ve never been in the middle of such an uncivil audience. Awful. BUT the show was the complete opposite. It was fucking awesome.
Much better than I had expected and one of the best performances I’ve ever seen- and for a 17-year old I’ve already been on a WHOLE LOT of concerts and even festivals.